Hobbies

Some people will try to tell you to "Get a hobby." I think it's supposed to be an insult. But to me it actually sounds like a good idea. If its one thing that you should enjoy doing, it's a hobby. I'm pretty sure no one has ever told me to "Get a hobby," but regardless, I catch myself daydreaming about what would happen if someone did say that. Would I feel so inclined to actually find myself a new hobby? I have a few hobbies, but what if they knew something I didn't? What if I was just one hobby away from happiness but I needed someone smarter to identify it?

All those questions, led by my insecurities, brings me to the main question; what new hobby would I choose?

Hence, I give to you the Pros and Cons of certain hobbies. Ultimately, you should know, that while some people are on an infinite search for the meaning of life; I am on an infinite search of meaningless questions. How things work, and why people do what they do captivate me to no end. So, with great excitement I present to you...

THE PROS AND CONS OF FINDING A NEW HOBBY

Rice Writing

PROS: Experienced writers can compete for the world record "Most Word's Written on a Piece of Rice;" rice with a name on it can sell upwards of three U.S. Dollars

CONS: You are writing on a piece of rice.

OVERALL: D+ Costs are minimal but to learn the craft would take some time. But the sweet payoff is renting space for a booth at every festival within a two hour drive of you home; setting up shop, and watching people stare at your grains of rice in amazement at how sucky your life must be.

Beekeeping

PROS: Honey; sweet wanna-be astronaut white suit; a pair of yellow gloves; experiencing one of humans oldest traditions (collecting honey dates back to 12,000 B.C.)

CONS: Stings and potentially life-threatening swarms.

OVERALL: C- Honey has always been considered a tasty treat all over the world. And nothing beats a homemade jar of honey. But really? After a long day of hard work, you come home, strap on the astronaut suit and go collect honey? I'll just buy the honey in the bear shaped container.

Jogging

PROS: Health; new Nike shoes; scenery; networking.

CONS: Ridiculous outfits; spectators; arthritis; being stuck between walking and running.

OVERALL: C You meet up with a bunch of partners and jog in place for awhile, then go circle a block or so. You're in a hurry going nowhere fast. If you had any desire or commitment, you'd be running.

Gambling

PROS: Winning money

CONS: Losing money

OVERALL: F The house always wins. The end. Billy says "I won four hundred dollars on Craps." Billy doesn't say, "I was down three hundred on black jack, then I dropped half a grand on roulette, sat down at the Craps table with my last fifty dollars and turned it into $400; for a grand total of -$400. Question Man could bring this to light (Question Man is the greatest superhero ever, that's for another blog).

Dancing

PROS: none

CONS: Embarassing, leads to promiscuity, homosexuality, insecurities, and alcoholism.

OVERALL: F- Pure torture. Expressing yourself never felt so stupid. More than often leads to doing something you shouldn't have. If the music stopped you would look like a complete ass. And ultimately, it feels awkward and looks awkward. You know how stupid those people look on reruns of "Soul Train" and anything produced in the 80's? That's you, just give it time.

Kite Flying

PROS: Beautiful weather; family; friends; one of the nation's favorite pasttimes.

CONS: Must be a descent wind.

OVERALL: A- A perfect excuse to spend time with loved ones. Enjoy the weather, aerodynamics, and hopefully pre-made sandwiches. Going to the park is one of America's most simple pleasures, with a kite, you are certain to experience nature's greatest gifts.

So, there you have it...if you are looking for a new hobby, kite flying is the way to go. It's inexpensive, fun, and brings the whole family together. In fact, I bought a kite once. My intentions were to fly it. To take Lulu and a girl to the park with pre-made sandwiches and just enjoy the spectacular weather. The sandwiches were never made, the kite was never even opened. The girl was a fabrication of my mind. I have lost all hope in satisfying sandwiches sealed in air-tight ziploc bags, as well as the girl that's supposed to be at my side through thick and thin (mostly thin). But I am certain, if you are looking for a hobby, pick up a kite and take it to the park. I'm sure on some sunny, lonely day, you'll find me and Lulu.

I would've loved to cover more hobbies, maybe I will do a part 2. For now, I'm going to mix another drink.
Props to Overton Park, Diablo the Dog, and J-Loe's bitch.