Whatever

I'm sitting here in my computer closet with a space heater sweating me out, meanwhile my feet remain frozen. I'm attempting to study for my final exam I have tomorrow. I've found that the only comfortable way to sit in my chair is with my feet propped up on the wall with my body turned slightly to the right. This is good for about twenty minutes then neck, back, and ass pain kick in. I often wonder what it would feel like to have some cushion back there, sitting on skin and bones all the time is irritating and somewhat painful. I guess that's the deal. Some people pierce themselves, stab themselves, etc. just to feel pain. I sit awkwardly at a computer chair and refresh my myspace page to feel pain. A minute ago I had what I now refer to as a Google Earth moment. I was sitting, observing my surroundings, wondering how it all came about, and what the fuck I'm doing. Then I realized if this house had been built 5 feet shorter I would be sitting outside.

Had to shift positions. This one is more demanding on my neck.

Anyways, so Google Earth moment. It's the moment when you can see your location from satellite perspective, like those aerial shots they put in movies, and now the news. So up the "camera" goes wide shot of me in the computer closet, then pulls back through the roof to a house view, then further back to neighborhood view, then quickly further back to a map of showing Murfreesboro, Nashville and then finally Memphis comes into the picture, and then it stopped. I guess had a spent a few years in New York it would have panned out further; or Paris. I suppose if I was feeling small or thinking universal it can keep going to a view of earth in space, but not this time. This time just Murfreesboro and Memphis.

Imaginary cameras have come a long way since the one behind the bathroom mirror. Although, the microscopic one in the bathroom doorknob was pretty innovative for its time.

My head is pounding.

I swear there is better stuff to talk about...

More heartbreak that no one cares about,
but it pleases me to get it off my chest,
and really I don't think anyone cares what I write on this blog...
I still don't even know what a blog is.
BUT!

I guess I'm agitated because there is no clear line between getting over someone and finally being over them. It should be that simple. Summary of thoughts for the last six/seven years..."I love you, I love you, I love, let's break up, I love you, I love you, let's break up, I love you, it can't be repaired..." So be it. Now as life goes on and I try to adjust I just keep waiting for that, "Oh, okay. Everything is fine now" moment.

But it ain't gonna happen. It can never go back to the way it was (pre-satan)...and damn that!

It sucks, its life, most people have already figured it out, I'm slow. I loved, I learned, I tried...it wasn't meant to be and that's great! But even with excitement you still have to deal with heartache? It's too complicated.

Sorry I had to vent (not sponsored by Coors Light) but, well, I had to.

I would also like to add...like Rainman. He could add toothpicks at a glance. Whatever, I have shit to say...

Hobbies

Some people will try to tell you to "Get a hobby." I think it's supposed to be an insult. But to me it actually sounds like a good idea. If its one thing that you should enjoy doing, it's a hobby. I'm pretty sure no one has ever told me to "Get a hobby," but regardless, I catch myself daydreaming about what would happen if someone did say that. Would I feel so inclined to actually find myself a new hobby? I have a few hobbies, but what if they knew something I didn't? What if I was just one hobby away from happiness but I needed someone smarter to identify it?

All those questions, led by my insecurities, brings me to the main question; what new hobby would I choose?

Hence, I give to you the Pros and Cons of certain hobbies. Ultimately, you should know, that while some people are on an infinite search for the meaning of life; I am on an infinite search of meaningless questions. How things work, and why people do what they do captivate me to no end. So, with great excitement I present to you...

THE PROS AND CONS OF FINDING A NEW HOBBY

Rice Writing

PROS: Experienced writers can compete for the world record "Most Word's Written on a Piece of Rice;" rice with a name on it can sell upwards of three U.S. Dollars

CONS: You are writing on a piece of rice.

OVERALL: D+ Costs are minimal but to learn the craft would take some time. But the sweet payoff is renting space for a booth at every festival within a two hour drive of you home; setting up shop, and watching people stare at your grains of rice in amazement at how sucky your life must be.

Beekeeping

PROS: Honey; sweet wanna-be astronaut white suit; a pair of yellow gloves; experiencing one of humans oldest traditions (collecting honey dates back to 12,000 B.C.)

CONS: Stings and potentially life-threatening swarms.

OVERALL: C- Honey has always been considered a tasty treat all over the world. And nothing beats a homemade jar of honey. But really? After a long day of hard work, you come home, strap on the astronaut suit and go collect honey? I'll just buy the honey in the bear shaped container.

Jogging

PROS: Health; new Nike shoes; scenery; networking.

CONS: Ridiculous outfits; spectators; arthritis; being stuck between walking and running.

OVERALL: C You meet up with a bunch of partners and jog in place for awhile, then go circle a block or so. You're in a hurry going nowhere fast. If you had any desire or commitment, you'd be running.

Gambling

PROS: Winning money

CONS: Losing money

OVERALL: F The house always wins. The end. Billy says "I won four hundred dollars on Craps." Billy doesn't say, "I was down three hundred on black jack, then I dropped half a grand on roulette, sat down at the Craps table with my last fifty dollars and turned it into $400; for a grand total of -$400. Question Man could bring this to light (Question Man is the greatest superhero ever, that's for another blog).

Dancing

PROS: none

CONS: Embarassing, leads to promiscuity, homosexuality, insecurities, and alcoholism.

OVERALL: F- Pure torture. Expressing yourself never felt so stupid. More than often leads to doing something you shouldn't have. If the music stopped you would look like a complete ass. And ultimately, it feels awkward and looks awkward. You know how stupid those people look on reruns of "Soul Train" and anything produced in the 80's? That's you, just give it time.

Kite Flying

PROS: Beautiful weather; family; friends; one of the nation's favorite pasttimes.

CONS: Must be a descent wind.

OVERALL: A- A perfect excuse to spend time with loved ones. Enjoy the weather, aerodynamics, and hopefully pre-made sandwiches. Going to the park is one of America's most simple pleasures, with a kite, you are certain to experience nature's greatest gifts.

So, there you have it...if you are looking for a new hobby, kite flying is the way to go. It's inexpensive, fun, and brings the whole family together. In fact, I bought a kite once. My intentions were to fly it. To take Lulu and a girl to the park with pre-made sandwiches and just enjoy the spectacular weather. The sandwiches were never made, the kite was never even opened. The girl was a fabrication of my mind. I have lost all hope in satisfying sandwiches sealed in air-tight ziploc bags, as well as the girl that's supposed to be at my side through thick and thin (mostly thin). But I am certain, if you are looking for a hobby, pick up a kite and take it to the park. I'm sure on some sunny, lonely day, you'll find me and Lulu.

I would've loved to cover more hobbies, maybe I will do a part 2. For now, I'm going to mix another drink.
Props to Overton Park, Diablo the Dog, and J-Loe's bitch.

What's In a Day

Sometimes things just don't feel right. I'm surprised my body hasn't learned to sleep for days uninterrupted. Much to my amazement I keep waking up every day.

Today my steps seemed smaller, almost like I wasn't even taking them. I thumbed my mp3 player for the entire twenty minute drive to campus and found nothing I wanted to hear. Talk radio was uninteresting. The sound of nothing might have been a good option. Food has lost its appeal.

A few factors contributing to this miserableness; the weight of my schoolwork, the text message I couldn't resist sending to the love that is gone, and the pure loneliness of my daily life in the 'Boro. I've been told that everyone feels this way and I'm not one to disagree. If anything I'm critical of it. I like to say "It could be worse," or "at least you've got your health," but it could be better.

When all your life's drama comes from HBO and Showtime series I'd say you've got cause for concern. I'm more than familiar with my emotional highs and lows, yet I have no clue what brings them about. I do know that I am here, thumbing my way just like everyone else and just wondering, what's in a day?

Whatever you make of it.

Right.