Whatever

I'm sitting here in my computer closet with a space heater sweating me out, meanwhile my feet remain frozen. I'm attempting to study for my final exam I have tomorrow. I've found that the only comfortable way to sit in my chair is with my feet propped up on the wall with my body turned slightly to the right. This is good for about twenty minutes then neck, back, and ass pain kick in. I often wonder what it would feel like to have some cushion back there, sitting on skin and bones all the time is irritating and somewhat painful. I guess that's the deal. Some people pierce themselves, stab themselves, etc. just to feel pain. I sit awkwardly at a computer chair and refresh my myspace page to feel pain. A minute ago I had what I now refer to as a Google Earth moment. I was sitting, observing my surroundings, wondering how it all came about, and what the fuck I'm doing. Then I realized if this house had been built 5 feet shorter I would be sitting outside.

Had to shift positions. This one is more demanding on my neck.

Anyways, so Google Earth moment. It's the moment when you can see your location from satellite perspective, like those aerial shots they put in movies, and now the news. So up the "camera" goes wide shot of me in the computer closet, then pulls back through the roof to a house view, then further back to neighborhood view, then quickly further back to a map of showing Murfreesboro, Nashville and then finally Memphis comes into the picture, and then it stopped. I guess had a spent a few years in New York it would have panned out further; or Paris. I suppose if I was feeling small or thinking universal it can keep going to a view of earth in space, but not this time. This time just Murfreesboro and Memphis.

Imaginary cameras have come a long way since the one behind the bathroom mirror. Although, the microscopic one in the bathroom doorknob was pretty innovative for its time.

My head is pounding.

I swear there is better stuff to talk about...

More heartbreak that no one cares about,
but it pleases me to get it off my chest,
and really I don't think anyone cares what I write on this blog...
I still don't even know what a blog is.
BUT!

I guess I'm agitated because there is no clear line between getting over someone and finally being over them. It should be that simple. Summary of thoughts for the last six/seven years..."I love you, I love you, I love, let's break up, I love you, I love you, let's break up, I love you, it can't be repaired..." So be it. Now as life goes on and I try to adjust I just keep waiting for that, "Oh, okay. Everything is fine now" moment.

But it ain't gonna happen. It can never go back to the way it was (pre-satan)...and damn that!

It sucks, its life, most people have already figured it out, I'm slow. I loved, I learned, I tried...it wasn't meant to be and that's great! But even with excitement you still have to deal with heartache? It's too complicated.

Sorry I had to vent (not sponsored by Coors Light) but, well, I had to.

I would also like to add...like Rainman. He could add toothpicks at a glance. Whatever, I have shit to say...