What I did today...

Workin from home, taking some interesting calls with solutions that just don't satisfy either parties. Realize I am singing an amazing song over and over in my head...and with that a list is born.

Top 10 Songs From My Generation That I've Been Thinking About Lately (this is actually practice for the mega list...Top 10 Songs From the 90's That You Never Cared Enough About, or something like that). Let's be clear though by "lately" I mean the last three or four years.

10. Where Did You Sleep Last Night? - Nirvana
This is a cover song right? I think so, I'm pretty sure I've heard the original a few times, but can't recall nor am I that interested in it. This song is enough, and why is it always the unplugged album that makes me REALLY upset there's no more Nirvana? Rhetorical don't answer.


9. Molly (Sixteen Candle) - Sponge
If you remember Sponge at all you probably remember them by their more popular "Plowed." That all changes now!


8. We're Not Gonna Make It - Presidents of the United States of America
It would surprise many to know that this band had a lot more to offer than Lumpy Peaches


7. The Impression that I Get - Mighty Mighty Bosstones
All I can say about this song is I was too big of a dork to appreciate back in 1997. This one is like a fine potato, it grows legs and roots the older it gets. Although, this video has over one million hits so its hard to label it obscure or forgotten about, but nonetheless a treasure (like soap on a rope.


6. Laid - James
Another one I wasn't cool enough to understand...


5. DisneyLand - Dada
Do what? Why is he not going to Disney WORLD?! If you think when those disney super bowl commercials come on, you are definitely my kin. Love this song! It's a thought changer, i.e. it always pops into my head and changes my perception of going to any place "I just got a breakfast burrito, I'm going to need some Salsa!" Just sing it, it works.


4. Nixons - Sister
I know this song is good because I like it before I actually liked my sister. :) Regardless, these guys were clearly the precursor for all the bands we began to loathe as alternative and grunge gave way to bands like Fuel, Nickelback (who was strangely just as bad as late Nickelback, only in an entirely different way) and Creed; eck.


3. All I Know - Screaming Trees
Who cares if you don't remember this song, because you will remember the chorus...it's implanted deeply in the back of your head, somewhere in between memories of forgotten acts of vandalism and that first cigarette you smoked behind the trees.


2. The Verve - Photograph
Maybe I'm just partial to this because it appears everyone forgot about this song in lieu of "Freshman." Or maybe I'm partial to it because this song is perfect 90's nostalgia. Goodie!



1. Lucky - Seven Mary Three
I actually think this band...er scratch that this album is one of the most underrated 90's albums out there. Flying beneath everyone's radar now and then. It's a great listen and rather timeless when compared to other 90's alternative. This song and album, unlike Cumbersome and the rest of the tracks on American Standard, doesn't lend itself to 90's heritage to virgin ears. Nevertheless, it was on the radio, you've heard it before...I promise.





So here is my list? Not the number 1 you were hoping for???? That's because its backwards!!! Make your way back up to find that Nirvana's "Where did you sleep last night?" is my vote for the number one most badass song we don't appreciate enough from the 90's. That is what this list is right? ;)

Long live the old new stuff!!!!!

Honorable Mention: Sneaker Pimps - 6 Underground
Left this one off in favor to go all guy bands. As a preteen i refused to let any woman sing to me, other than my mom. Hah!

I'm in a silly band

Sitting here cycling through Netflix movies like one every thirty minutes. Obviously its not time to sit comfortably in my apt and let the magic of cinema put me in a trance for the remainder of my day.

Ultimately I guess this is a struggle to comprehend because as I write this the sound of the movie keeps distracting me (i can't turn it off...I'm afraid of the dark). I noticed that I am still not okay going to Kroger. For whatever reason I find that grocery stores are a bachelor's worst enemy. But hey, at least Old Spice has made the Matterhorn and Denali fragrances for body wash...Hey I think this movie has Ally McBeal in it...yup that's her. Awesome (movie is Fragile btw). It's also the second movie in a row I've attempted to watch that takes place in in England and has a gigantic castle house in it.


So what's the point...why I am writing? I thought I had an idea...

Oh. Yes. It was because I'm compelled to do so, nothing more nothing less. It would seem that I am at a cross roads in where to go forward from here. Maybe I should stay in Middle TN, try to make a life... or go home and restart. Location is only important when you're alone. It would seem that I have to set up all the right things for myself in order to succeed and maintain happiness. Location is really a secondary notion when you're in a relationship though. It's like that old adage "Home is where the heart is."

So it seems I have no home...maybe that's what I get from spending family vacations in a Motor home...

Kroger. Good times. The candy aisle. Miss that. Miss spending 15 minutes smelling every lotion, deodorant, shampoo, etc. I will not be back. Hah

Let's write because it makes me feel good.

Let's write with no idea.

Let's party for no reason.

Let's celebrate being alive.

Let's be unhealthy for just a day longer.

Let's relish in our uncompromising mediocrity.

Let's set very reachable goals, like "Bet I can make this into that trashcan."

Let's put 8 dollars in the gas tank and wait twice as long to get the oil changed.

Let's run on fumes.

Let's complement our outfits as coordinating clothes requires the largest part of thought processing for the day.

Let's smile, laugh, and love despite suffocating in pain.

Let's live in Smyrna.

Let's work at O'Charleys.

We've come a long long way together

Graduating in two weeks...this is the best time of my life. Been having a lot of fun and loving every second of my time. Unfortunately this tends to create scenarios in which I cannot make the right decision all the time. For whatever reason I feel as if the people around me are on the brink of deciding I am not really as funny as I think I am, nor as good as a person as I believe I am. Ultimately I feel as if I am one step away from alienating myself. Which sucks...

But again, I'm having fun right? I think so.

Time to prioritize. I need two things right now. Job and Money. In the short term I may head to Taco Bell for a 5$ box.

Getting Smaller

Every time I make it back to the world I always seem to be missing something. In country song lyric words, I'm not as good as I once was...

new take old cliche

If you love someone let them go, they won't come back because you're most likely an idiot.

You only hurt the ones that you thought loved you.

The grass is always greener in Michigan.

If at first you don't succeed, make a giant mess of the situation.

The end doesn't justify the mean-ness.

Where there's a will there's a way out.

Birds of a feather fight together.

A man is known by the company he mistreats.

Old cliche old take...very applicable
Familiarity breeds contempt.

Context

I am a human being stupid.

I'm a human being, stupid!

Pretty clever...

Time v. Time

Pain all over. Pain from weeping. Pain from not eating. Pain from grief.  Grief from not having foresight, self-control, or the inability to escape a relapse into a dark place.  Grief all over.

Grief from the pain I caused.

Pain from the grief I've accumulated

in what apparently has been five days, but feels like one instant moment.

When you're broken you've got nothing to do but pick up the pieces and try your best to get back together.  Ultimately, time will claim stake in the majority of your battle, but what do you do while time is diligently at work?

I recall this dark and dreary spring weather. The sun shines for what seems like the first time since pools began to close for the fall.  Birds are louder. Insects are louder.  Nature's music is playing the sweet song...of a funeral.  I've never heard anyone complain about the weather at a funeral.  Not that I've been to an actual funeral since I was five, but I'm just assuming, that for all practical purposes, cloudy with a 100% chance of rain is all that anyone could hope for.  As I sit outside on this sunny day, passersby seemingly all mutter "Sure is beautiful out today," and it infectiously enters my brain, escaping all surrounding noises, numbness, and general inattentiveness. As if  to suggest that for being such an asshole, I have on less beautiful day to enjoy.  

I'm hoping for rain.  So all the selfish, parading college students with hopeless optimism will run to their classes, cars, or umbrellas.  And myself, and the other people attending funerals will walk patiently amongst each other, without the slightest inclination we are wet, cold, shivering, and ruining our laptops.  We may or may not have a destination. Maybe the few of us are still amidst the funeral procession, each proceeded by an invisible hearse bearing whatever is left of our exes. Nevertheless, passersby will be struck with a false sense of kindness and civility as they put on their sorry-you-didn't-bring-an-umbrella face.

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Months later, after time has done its formidable best to prevent pain and grief from consuming me, I'll catch myself in a predicament.  Unexpectedly, rain has swooped in and now ferociously pounds upon the entire parking lot.  Leaves and twigs swirl by.  Trees all curve at the same slight angle.  The occasional, reluctant few, begrudgingly make a dash for their car reminiscent of frogs and turtles leaping into water when you approach them.  Some leapers are family men, pretending to be concerned for their family's dryness. Truthfully, the rain has given them extra alone time and a temporary purpose.  Some leapers are adolescents that without hesitation unitedly scream "Go," and race one another to their vehicle.  Then there are those that stay behind, waiting on their valet, seeking shelter and making commentary about the intensity of the downpour.

As I'm watching the frenzy from afar, some lady's umbrella gets folded inside out by the storm.  For this downpour is more magnificent than the 21st century umbrella can endure! And with the audience in suspense, awaiting my leap, awaiting my rain-inspired panic, I'll calmly tuck my hands into my jeans and proceed forth unabashedly. With every ounce of my energy and emotion gravitating towards one not-so-distant thought...

"One less beautiful day for them to enjoy."

Joke that never gets old...

Going up to the salad dressings and saying with surprise, "How did they cram so many islands into one dressing?"